


Betwixt and Between - A lost section of The Red Book of Westmarch

by The_Blonde_and_the_Brunette



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: #MiddleEarthisreal, A Hobbit's Tale (should be a Hobbit trying to wrangle cats), A.K.A. There and Back Again, Angry Women, Animals Being Killed for Humanoid Consumption, Culture Shock, Dragons, Dwarves are secretly cats, F/M, Forgot about a few, Hunting, If you read all this good for you, Lions, M/M, Magic, Mary Poppin's Bag makes a comeback, Mauling by Animal, Nudity, People Being Eaten by Animals, Sass Master, Shapeshifting, The Hobbit is actually the Red Book of Westmarch, There might be some slight 4th wall breakage, Thorin is secretly a bunny, Unnecessary references to modern world, Violence, We'll think of more, character flaws, characters definitely figure out they're in a book, dwarves are silly, fair warning, ninja skills, oh my, ponies dying (off scene), references to other worlds, sassiness, who knows - Freeform, world jumping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:46:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Blonde_and_the_Brunette/pseuds/The_Blonde_and_the_Brunette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blonde and the Brunette</p><p>Our world traveling duo is at it again!  This time they have managed to entangle themselves with the company of Thorin Oakenshield in a epic cross country journey filled with shenanigans and comedy galore.  Join Inia and Cass as they set out to survive a new world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Betwixt and Between - A lost section of The Red Book of Westmarch

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic came about from wanting to write one, but unable to force ourselves to write our characters into the movie plot, so we took a detour off the road to Erebor in a side quest that hopefully will give you something to laugh about. Enjoy. Also, this is our first story and post.

Now where to begin….

The Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, was beginning to like his pony. After all, it wasn’t such a smelly beast, and the dwarves themselves were quite merry. After refusing to go back for his hanky, Bilbo soon got use to the jokes and jabs that traversed the column of riders. His spot next to serious Gandalf, astride a tall horse, earned him a small reprieve from the dwarves’ antics.

Gandalf was smoking, as always, and Bilbo thought this was as good time as any to ask questions.

“So, Gandalf?” The wizard’s slight “hm?” was a good sign as any to continue. “Where are we going, exactly?’ He held out His hand, fingers splayed so the wizard got his meaning.

“Well, since Thorin wishes one day to reclaim his kingdom, he must first gather several things to make his rule easier.”

“Such as?”

“A good housecarl is a nice place to start.” When the Hobbit stared at him the old man continued. “He will need to find one of the lost seeing-stones, the crown of Dürin, and the key to get into the mountain.”

“So we aren’t heading there straight away?”

“Bilbo,” The old man smiled and waved his pipe, “just think of this as the pre-adventure.”

One of the dwarfs in front of them snorted, “Aye, pre-adventure.” Bilbo recognized Dwalin as the battle-scarred dwarf turned in the saddle. “What he means, Master Burglar, is we must traipse through old Arnor ruins filled with ghosts to find one of their blasted seeing-stones, then we must scale the Mountains in the North to find the crown, and then after that it gets even better!”

Ori, how was listening closely, dropped the piece of bread he was munching on as Dwalin swung around and gave him a stern look. “We have to go see the elves.” The tough Dwarf said in a singsong voice as the youngest gulped loudly.

“Wh-why is that so bad?” Bilbo asked Gandalf in a whisper.

The old wizard sighed and grumbled into his pipe, his eyes trained to the front of the group where the future king was seated.

oOoOoOo

Fire, Lightening, the puddle and smoke  
With these the sign I wrote  
In between and In Betwixt  
Is where our lives will be spent

“Oh my god!” The scream was impressive; the small body that made it was bent towards the sky, back arching in an almost impossible angle. Not far lay another body, this one curled up in on itself as shudders wracked it. Lightening sizzled through out the hollow, the plants in the area reduced to ash from the heat. The air seemed almost hazy around the two figures.

“Argh!” The one bent finally collapsed and sighed dramatically, her arm flopping in the general direction of the other. “Hey, where are we?”

“I don’t know…” the other moaned, rubbing her head as she struggled up. She looked around as her companion pushed herself up on her elbows, complaining loudly.

“God, please don’t let it be Persia. I don’t know if I could live through that again.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about being in Persia.”

Soon they were both in a sitting position, using each other’s backs to keep up. “Well,” said one, as she reached around and rubbed her back, wincing, “at least it’s not Kansas.”

They both started laughing, looking around the hollow at the towering trees. It soon drizzled off into awkward chuckles before they fell silent. Somewhere off in the trees a bird let out a strange call.

“Seriously though, where did you send us?”

The other shrugged. “I don’t know.” She looked sheepish. “The spell was suppose to send us to wherever we are suppose to be.”

There was silence, then the other mused slowly, “Where we are suppose to be…” She looked over the edge of the slight crater to the forest. “So we are going native?”

The other sighed. “What do you think the chances are that there’s an road, an inn, and a talk, dark and handsome stranger?”

A snort was the answer. “With our luck it’ll be a deer path, a shady cottage, and A tall, dark pervert looking to substitute his usual sheep diet.” Fingers waggled in the air at the last word. She didn’t need to see the other’s face to know it was scrunched up in disgust.

They both finally were able to stand, and turned to look at each other. The blonde grimaced, rubbing her muscles again. “I always hate how I go back to this form. At least either of us is naked this time.”

Her brown haired companion looked both of them up and down. Her friend was wearing jeans, the tips of steel-toed boots sticking out the bottoms, and a long white button up shirt with a jacket over it. When she looked down at herself, she beheld another pair of jeans with a blue tunic covering her chest. Her arms felt heavy in the brown leather jacket thrown over it. Her feet were encased in tall boots of the same color.

“At least the man was my size,” the blonde joked. “You got hold of a fashionista.” She looked closer, “you’re still covered in those green swirls though.”

The brown-headed girl gave her a look that could burn Jack Frost. “Watch it, or else I’ll turn you into a kitten.” She turned away to pick up the backpack that was thrown across the clearing. “Why is it you always get men’s clothes?”

The blonde shrugged, turning in a circle to find the sun and pointing it out to her companion. “It’s probably cuz they’re easier to get out of. You have no idea how much I’d give for a pair of normal underwear right now.” She reached down and pulled at the waist of the jeans. “Hang on, wish granted.” Fist pump in the air.

The other just gave her a look until she settled down and jerked at the edge of her shirt uncomfortably. “Hey, I gotta be happy with the little things.” She started after her friend, who was trying to climb out of the hollow. After she had slid down to the bottom for a second time, she stopped and looked over at the blonde. “Help?”

“Oh, right.” The blonde turned around. “By the way, I think I’ll go hunting too. Get the lay of the land and all that.” Her words were muffled as she jerked her undershirt over her head, hopping up and down to get the jeans off at the same time. After the third hop she just fell over. “OUCH.”

After she stood, burdened with glorious nakedness (haha) she looked over her shoulder. “Can you turn around, please?”

After a snort and a rude shove, her friend agreed, and the blonde took a deep breathe, rolling her shoulders. She could feel the change, starting in her lower back, and soon she was forced to her hands and knees as tawny fur ripped over her back, growing out of her pores as her bones shifted. Her face felt tight and hot before the bones cracked, muzzle widening and teeth moving. Eyes contracted and slid into their new places, and fingers burned as they were shortened. After a few moments of getting reacquainted with having a tail, she turned back around.

“I never understand how all that fits inside you.”

The cat just grumbled, wide eyes blinking lazily.

“Well, help me outta here.”

After the brunette was deposited down at the edge with the bag, the giant lioness chuffed at her, rubbing her cheek with her muzzle before turning and disappearing into the woods. “Don’t get into trouble!”

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter may be short, but we wanted to have a short and sweet opening. More to come soon. Comments are welcome.  
> Disclaimer: We own nothing but our OC's.


End file.
